All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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