you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
