god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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