My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
