it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
