What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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