It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
