After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
