I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
