Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
