so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
