just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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