I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
false alarm, still single
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
