You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
