we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
