explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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