I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
