My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
