I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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