New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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