I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
