just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
