what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
