Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
