Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
