dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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