marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
