i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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