I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
