I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
