genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
