Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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