"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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