His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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