Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh god it's open bar.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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