My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
