I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I look better un-naked...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
