ugly people sure do ruin things
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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