God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i've created a new STD.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
