I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
