i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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