walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
