In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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