some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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