We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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