I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
