all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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