wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
