I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
