The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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