Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
