Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
