this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
