He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
