Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
