I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
