he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize