drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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