no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
