it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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