We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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