i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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