It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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