I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well you can't waste a boner
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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