Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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